I travel a lot, but this past Tuesday is one of those days that the planets align to knock even a seasoned traveler down a few pegs.
I'm a Delta guy. I used to live in Atlanta which is the major hub so that's how they got their claws into me. I now live in NY and prefer to fly Delta to keep up the miles and my priority status. It is a welcomed (and only) perk when having to travel away from home.
This particular trip was to Toronto for a late afternoon client meeting. The flights on Delta didn't really work for my schedule so I was booked on Air Canada. The 'ole Maple Leaf was taking me to America's hat.
I used to think the Delta terminal at LaGuardia was bad. Uh, no. I would call the Central Terminal for Air Canada a dump, but that would be an insult to trash that gets placed in a landfill. The seats are all cracked, the carpeting has what I can only guess is blood and excrement on every square inch, and the only option for food is the worse Au Bon Pain I've ever seen. They didn't have sandwiches. Sandwiches! I ate cookies for lunch. Awesome.
Once we boarded (30 minutes late), we were 34th in line for take-off. Yes, 34! I hate you LaGuardia! You are awful. If you were a person, NYC would have kicked in your teeth and you'd be living as a toothless reject in South Philly!
But I digress.
We finally took off and landed in Toronto at 3:55pm. I rushed off the plane and into customs where I was greeted by the longest line I've seen since trying to ride "It's A Small World" at Disney World.
I entered the tail end of the line with the rest of humanity. I was going to be late for my call at 4:30pm. There was no doubt. As I shuffled along the line, a little kid behind me kept kicking my bag. I finally asked his mother to have him stop. She was Indian and didn't speak English. I looked at the kid. He understood English. I could tell. He smiled and kicked my bag again. Little shit.
Finally I cleared customs and rushed out of the terminal at 4:40pm.
I'm lucky enough to be able to use a car service in Toronto. In order to have the car pick you up, you must tell a dispatcher outside your name and he will send for the car. I found the designated contact and said, "Kelly" as I began to dial the conference call number for my meeting.
"Kelly?", said the dispatcher.
"Yes. Kelly. K-E-L-L-Y"
"Got it. He'll be here in 2 minutes"
I dialed into my call and began to speak with my client. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a black town car approach with a handwritten sign which read "Dave Kelley". People misspell my last name all the time so I waved him down while speaking on the phone and jumped into the car.
Traffic was awful. There was no way I would make it to my clients office in time to join them for the end of the meeting. Halfway to my destination, I put my phone on mute and told my driver that instead on my location on file, I would like to go to the Park Hyatt instead. He looked at me strangely but nodded in agreement.
I got back on the phone and was in the middle of a conversation when I noticed the driver was trying to get my attention. I excused myself and muted the phone again and looked at my driver.
"You were not supposed to be going to the location you told me. I have you going to the King Edward Hotel", he said.
King Edward Hotel? What?
I explained that I was never supposed to be at that hotel and there must be a mistake in the reservation.
But wait.
"This is a Global Alliance towncar right?", I asked.
The face of the driver alerted me immediately that it was not a Global Alliance towncar. I was in the wrong fucking car.
I paid him an extra $40 to keep driving and take me to the hotel. He swore under his breath the entire trip.
So here I was in Toronto. I missed my meeting. I had no dinner plans. It took me 10 hours to make a one hour flight. I found the nearest restaurant and ordered a double vodka tonic.
I must have felt great by the time I left dinner. I ended up going to see a French movie call Pitoche ("Trophy Wife"). It starred Catherine Deneuve and Gerard Depardieu.
Depardieu is now fat but he still has that douchey haircut.
What a day.
